Missing
by rememberalways
Summary: "Mommy, when you go to heaven, do you get really hairy?" Castle and Ryan have been missing for some time. Now that they're home, everyone wants to know where they've been and why they've been gone. ON HIATUS.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: After much debate on posting this, (I do that a lot, it seems) I finally decided to do it. I have an awful track record for updating multi-chapter fics but I'm out of work and school - a bad car accident in March left me on bedrest for the foreseeable future - and I really don't have much to do, so that shouldn't be a problem. I've gone from three jobs and two planned summer classes to, well, nothin'! Anyway, this is what's come from an incredible amount of boredom.

Just to be safe, spoilers up to 'Always,' and the usual disclaimers apply. Not beta-ed, so all mistakes are mine. Took some creative liberties with this. This is set sometime in the future and a timeline will be established as the story progresses. Lastly, if you've read all this, you're a saint. Enjoy!

* * *

"Mommy?"

"Yes, baby?"

"When you go to heaven, do you get really hairy?"

Kate looks up from her paperwork then and meets her daughter's curious blue eyes. She sits back in her chair and turns it, watching as her daughter comes around the corner of the desk. The little girl stands bet ween her mother's knees, hands on Kate's thighs.

"What have your brothers been telling you now, Gracie?" she asks, carding a hand through her daughter's long hair.

"They didn't tell me anything! But if that's what happens, then I don't ever want to go to heaven." she says dramatically, bringing her hands up to either side of her face, protecting them.

Kate laughs quietly, taking her daughter's hands in her own.

"Where's this coming from, honey?"

"Daddy's at the door," her daughter responds bluntly, like it's an ordinary, everyday statement.

"Gracie," she exclaims, getting up, scooping her daughter up into her arms and hoisting her to the hip. "You've got to stop answering the door! We've talked about this."

She's more stunned that her almost-four-year-old opened the front door – again – then who she said was behind it, because let's get real, there was no way daddy was at the front door. Out of habit, Kate grabbed her piece and, with one hand, tucked it into the back waistband of her dress slacks.

"But it is daddy!" Grace's telling her, mumbling into her ear, hands fisted into her sweater.

"No, honey. We've talked about this, too. Daddy's in heaven."

"And he got really hairy, mommy! We've talked about this!" she said, parroting her mother with twice the attitude.

Most likely nothing, she's convincing herself. It's just after dinnertime, still somewhat light outside. They had just arrived home after a dinner out with everybody. Her kids were playing in the living room and she must have been so caught up in her paperwork that she didn't even hear the doorbell or knocking. Or maybe, he used his key –

It's _not_ Daddy. Absolutely not.

Kate rounds the corner of the office, listening to the mumbling storytelling of her daughter and by the time she gets to the kitchen, she can see that there is in fact someone at the door, albeit back turned and hunched over. It's a tall man, and that's about all she can tell. She's on edge now.

_What's going on?_

"James, Henry," she called to her sons, watching the man flinch slightly but still staying turned away.

Her boys came over to her in the kitchen, asking questions and making comments – "Mom, it's not bedtime _yet_…" She ignored their protests and crouched down, putting Grace on her own feet, handing them her cell phone.

"Henry, if I don't call up to you in two minutes, two minutes okay? Call Uncle Javi and tell him to come over and fast, got it?"

"Mom?" her son asked, startled.

"All three of you, upstairs, now," she told them, standing up straight and motioning for them to get moving. She started to the door when she heard a bedroom door close upstairs.

Kate took to the door slowly, quietly; reaching for her gun with every step she took. She was some ten feet way when the man turned around and she pulled her gun, pointed it at him. She got a good look at him then; small beard grown over the bottom of his face, cheek bones more prominent, face all thinned out, hair falling over his eyes.

But damn, those eyes were definitely her husband's.

She felt her heart hammering in her chest as he took a step closer into their home and she reflexively took a step back, still holding her gun, still not sure of, well, anything. He stopped and pulled both his hands out of his pockets, put them out in front of him to show that he didn't have any weapons and wasn't going to hurt her.

"Kate," he said quietly, a tone just above a whisper. That was his voice, she was certain.

She lowered her weapon, tucking it back into the waistband of her pants and took a tentative step toward him.

"Rick?"

He held her eyes as he nodded, all words escaping him.

"What on earth?" she stuttered on her words. "You're _dead_, Rick."

"No," was his simple reply. "He kept me alive to punish me."

"What? I don't – " she trailed off, confused, startled. The words rattled around in her head, she couldn't piece them together. Something else then dawned on her, "Ryan?"

"He's home, too. He's with Jenny as we speak."

She shook her head quickly, disbelief flooding through her veins. Nothing made sense.

"I just saw her, though. We were all at dinner – "

"I know," he said simply.

"You _know_?"

"We both saw you all at the restaurant and then decided it would be best to just see you each at home," he replied, taking a tentative step forward, reaching out to touch her. His hands came up to touch her face, brush the hair out of her eyes.

"You cut it," he stated.

"Just a few inches," she replied, fidgeting with her flat-ironed hair in between her fingers, nervously. "It's easier to handle with the kids."

And that's when it all hits her; that she was standing in her living room, talking to her _dead_ husband about her _hairstyle_.

"Stop making small talk with me," she said quietly as she lowered her hand from her hair, going still when he laced his fingers with hers. When she didn't flinch or back away, he pulled her to him. She felt tears burn at her eyes, confusion and heartbreak and happiness swell inside as he wrapped his arms around her, placed his chin on top of her head.

"Happy Birthday, Kate."

* * *

**I know I just threw a lot at you there but drop me a line, tell me what you think? I'll give you a hug and a cookie! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I just want to say how thrilled I am by the response to this story. Cookies and hugs for all of you. :) I've got a lot of bumps in the road planned, so buckle up and stick with me. Some of you have so pretty great theories, keep 'em coming! Thanks again, you're all lovely.

This chapter is also much longer then I anticipated it to be but I just couldn't stop and when I finally did, couldn't find a proper place to break it up. So, if I bore you to death, I apologize. We'll start to scratch the surface of what's really going on in coming chapters. And finally, as stated before, usual disclaimers apply. I bet Marlowe and Co. aren't on summertime bedrest. Enjoy!

* * *

Kate took a deep breath in, blew it back out.

She stood facing the kitchen island, palms flat against the smooth surface, silently listening for the shower to start in her bedroom – _their_ bedroom – before she went upstairs to put the kids to bed. Kate put her head down, moved her arms so her elbows rested on the countertop, and placed her head in her hands. She was trying to sort through the last twenty minutes.

Was it really only _twenty minutes_? Woah.

After Rick had shown up, she'd made sure to go upstairs and tell the kids to get ready for bed and to not, under any circumstances, call Uncle Javi and tell him what's going on. Of course, the kids wanted to know what exactly was going on themselves and Kate wasn't really sure what to tell them. She said they'd all talk about it tomorrow, after school.

When she had returned downstairs, she found Rick in the living room, looking at the photographs she'd framed and hung on the wall since he'd been gone. She took a seat on the bottom stairs and watched him for a moment as he took in the photos of his children. They were the portraits the school did of the boys that she'd just gotten mailed home, an individual portrait of Grace from last Christmas, one of Alexis and her fiancé. Oh, wouldn't _that_ be something to tell him.

Alexis. She had to call Alexis. Oh, and Martha. She volleyed back and forth if she should call them now or wait until she had a grip on the situation and realized that whichever decision she made, the outcome would likely be the same. She decided to wait until tomorrow, but pinched the bridge of her nose nervously, wondering if she was doing the right thing. This was such a mess. Such a messy miracle that she was so grateful for, but there were just so many unanswered questions.

He turned then, caught her watching him. She gave him a small smile as she pushed herself up off the stairs and walked over to meet him.

"I want to explain – "

She shook her head slowly, efficiently shushing him.

"How about we get you cleaned up? You can shower, I can get these clothes in the wash and by the time you're done, the kids will be in bed and we can talk this whole thing out, okay?"

"Sure," he agreed. "But I'll need those clothes back."

"What do you mean?" she asked him, genuinely confused.

"Those are the only ones I have," he replied quietly. "Unless…"

"They're all exactly where you left them, Rick," she told him, reaching for his hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. "Towels and washcloths are also in the same spot. Take your time, okay?"

He simply nodded, turned and walked in the direction of the bedroom. She watched until he was through the office and then she turned, started up the stairs to get the kids to bed.

* * *

Rick Castle was a ghost in almost every sense of the word, it seemed.

But as he stood in front of the full-length mirror in the bathroom, towel knotted at his waist, he couldn't help but think that's what he really looked like. He was pale and thin; almost sickly looking. He had more grey hairs then he would have liked and this bushy thing on his face had to go.

Castle shook his head, walking away from the mirror and to the sink to give his face a clean shave. It took him quite some time but when he'd completed the task, Castle realized he'd almost had forgotten what he really looked like.

Next, he took a scissor to his hair, only trimming the too-long pieces that hung, quite annoyingly, in his eyes, and those pesky pieces that clung to his neck when he got too hot. He figured he'd leave the rest for the professionals.

He put on the underwear, sweatpants and t-shirt he found, still in his drawers, exactly where he left them, just like Kate had said. Then, he found a spare toothbrush in the closet and thoroughly cleaned his teeth. When he had finished everything, he left the bathroom and walked back out into the bedroom he hadn't seen in quite some time.

The first place he went to was the closet. He was surprised that it was also exactly how he'd left it. Kate's side was slightly different, but his side was untouched, like he'd gone away on a book tour and she knew he'd be coming home in a week or two. He looked at Kate's side, dress pants and blouses and blazers all organized. Dangerously high heels all lined up on the bottom shelves next to some worn in casual sneakers and some slip ons.

As he turned to leave, something on the floor around the side of the shoe shelves caught his eye, something moving, and just as he bent to check it out, it jumped out and ran out of the closet to the bedroom. Castle followed it – what was it? – and he let out a small chuckle when he exited the closet.

Sitting on top of the bed, wagging its tail and sticking its tongue out, was a small, white and tan puppy. As Castle approached the bed, he watched as the pooch got up on all fours and seemed excited to see him, dancing around in a circle, almost chasing its tail. The dog then fell to the side, dizzy, but soon got back up and looked at Castle again, still wagging its tail, still happy.

Castle reached for the puppy and when he got no resistance picking it up, he did and tucked it into his arms, making their way for the living room.

He couldn't help wonder what else had changed in his absence and his heart sank thinking about all the possibilities.

* * *

Kate closed the door to Grace's room and let out a deep sigh.

Explaining that her previously deceased father was actually alive and standing in the living room was not something that was easy to do. She had all kinds or questions, just like the boys did and like Kate herself did. Hopefully, she'd have the answers by tomorrow.

Before going downstairs, she checked in on the boys one more time. They'd already fallen asleep and she was thankful. It was early, she'd admit that, and they were also pretty curious. But they'd had a long day as it was, and there was school tomorrow. She had bribed them all with skipped baths tonight – her children were notorious for hating bath time – and extra ice cream tomorrow night.

As she went to stretch, Kate realized how tired she was and how tightly her body was wound up. Still being all dressed up from her birthday dinner wasn't helping. Her black dress pants were comfy, but too long without her shoes and she was afraid in her tired haze, she would trip. Her dark blue sweater was also pretty cozy, but she just really wanted some yoga pants and a hoodie.

She walked down the stairs and stopped when she saw Castle sitting at the kitchen island with the dog in his hands, licking at his face. He newly shaven and unbelievably thinned out face. He was smiling back at the puppy, though and Kate felt tears gather in her eyes so quickly, she couldn't even blink them away. She was so happy to see that smile again.

Composing herself, she started towards the kitchen to meet him. She had to get lunches ready for the kids for school tomorrow, anyway so they could get to talk there.

"I see you've met Hammy," she said on a laugh. She still hated the name.

"You named the dog _Hammy_?"

"No," she replied, turning to give him a look before she started to the refrigerator, "Your _sons_ named him Hammy. Actually, his name is Hamilton."

"I can't wait to hear where that one came from," he told her.

"Your guess is as good as mine," she said, coming to the counter with various vegetables in her hands with some bottle of dressing. When she placed everything down, she continued. "The boys came up with it on the way home they day we adopted him. And then, Gracie has since added, 'the amazing, flying, wonder poochie.' So, as you can see, we have a very regal dog."

"What kind of dog is he?"

"He's a corgi and the best dog ever," she explained, slicing sticks of carrots and celery. "We went in looking for a guard dog, but this is what we came out with."

"You know what they say about best laid plans," he replied, his tone and the subtext sobering the mood. He placed the dog on the ground before looking at her, watching as she still sliced the vegetables. "What's that for?"

"Lunch for the kids," she told him plainly. "For school tomorrow."

"Rabbit food?"

"Schools these days are going peanut free; there's more kids with peanut allergies so I have to be careful with that I gave them. Tomorrow's Friday; it's just one day before I get to the store this weekend. There's not much in there," she pointed over her shoulder to the refrigerator.

"Are we going to talk about the weather next, because that's the norm for awkward small talk conversations," she told him after a few minutes of silence.

"That's not fair, Kate," he replied, his voice something just above a whisper.

"No, Rick. This entire situation is not fair. Having to tell those kids that you've alive after they just stopped having nightmares about you being dead is not fair. You, sitting here, making small talk and not giving me answers is not fair," she fumed, knife on the counter now, her eyes looking right into his. "So don't you dare pull that crap with me. You don't get to do that."

"I wasn't gone because I wanted to be," he spat right back, meeting her anger with his own. "I didn't have a choice. This entire situation was out of my control."

"What situation, Rick? Where have you been? You and Ryan – " she stopped, had to swallow the lump in her throat before she could continue. "They found your bodies in that warehouse. Did you know that? Who did I bury then?"

"I don't know, Kate, but it wasn't me and it wasn't Ryan," he said, lowering his voice. "I'm not dead, _we're_ not dead. We never were. We were only missing."

"I was at your funeral. We buried you and Ryan on the same day. Martha, Alexis, the boys all said goodbye to you, Grace did what she could with what she could understand but God, Rick. You were gone."

"I was missing," he said. "Only missing."

Kate sighed, brought her hand up to run her fingers through her hair, frustrated. She watched as a small smile appeared on his face and gave him a look.

"You still wear your ring?"

"Of course, I never took it off," she told him, giving him a smile back. "But you're changing the subject, Rick."

He sighed as she continued to tell him that this wasn't going to be left alone. Tomorrow morning, they would all have to meet up at the precinct after the kids went to school.

"And we only have until one, because that's when I have to get Grace from pre-school. It's not an all day thing. We also have to call Martha and Alexis, let them know what's going on. I'm sure they'll want to see you. Maybe we should take you to the doctor, too..."

She kept talking to him as she finished bagging the lunches and dressing in the kids' lunch pails, putting them in the fridge to keep fresh until the morning. Then, she reached in and pulled out some leftover chicken and green beans that Henry hadn't finished at the restaurant and placed it in the microwave. Grabbed a glass and filled it with water, put it in front of him. She did the same with the food and some utensils when it was ready.

"You must be starving, I wasn't even thinking," she told him, shaking her head. "I'm sorry."

"No, no. Thank you," he said to her before she excused herself to wash up and get ready for bed.

When she disappeared, he sighed into his hands. This wasn't going to be easy and he hated what he put his family through. The worst part was he wasn't even sure how to begin to fix it.

* * *

He was just finishing up washing the dishes he'd used when she came back out from the bedroom, comfy with her hair clipped up, dressed in leggings that stopped at her ankles and a pullover that might as well have swallowed her whole. It was his, he noted; one that she had stolen from him before they even got married and he never really minded when she never gave it back.

She was perched on a stool at the island – what was this, their middle ground? – when he turned to her and without any makeup on her face, he could see how the last two years had taken its toll on her. Or maybe it was just today? He couldn't tell, but it was just past ten and she looked thoroughly exhausted.

"You didn't have to do that," she said, motioning to the dishes.

"I wanted to," he replied. "Clear my head."

He watched her, cocked his head to the side, thinking over his words carefully, before continuing.

"What is it, Kate?"

Kate sighed, ran her hands over her face.

"This should be weird, right? I should be running you over with questions and demanding answers and worried sick. Well, I am worried. I still want you at the doctor tomorrow. But this isn't weird. I've stepped right into the routine like you've been here forever, like you never di – " she stopped herself, corrected. "Like you never went missing."

He rounded the island then, came to stand in front of her as she continued.

"Help me here, Rick," she said. "This should be _so weird_, right?"

"Now you're just repeating yourself."

"Castle, seriously," she replied, swatting his arm where she could reach it, being that she was sitting and at eye level with his ribs. She watched as a bright smile spread across his face at her use of his last name. _Their _last name.

God, he was so happy to be home again.

"It doesn't have to be weird, Kate, and I'm so glad it's not, at least not for now. It's only been a few hours. Can I make a suggestion?"

"Go ahead," she urged.

"Can we put this on the back burner until tomorrow?"

"What? Rick, we need to talk about this – "

"I know and we will, I promise. But you have to understand a few things about this situation. Ryan and I were only able to come home because we got the upper hand on the guy that had us. He's already been turned over to the authorities and everything will be dealt with tomorrow. We'll go to the precinct and we will work everything out."

"Rick, I just – "

"Tomorrow, Kate, please. There's about two hours left of your birthday and I've missed so many birthdays already. I don't want to miss anymore."

Kate couldn't suppress the tears that formed in her eyes and fell freely down her cheeks. She was torn, really, but as badly as she wanted answers, wanted to know everything, she wanted to be wrapped in her husband's arms even more. He could see the moment she gave in; her eyes softened, her shoulders relaxed. Then, before he could react, he watched as her eyes closed and she shook with quiet sobs, her head falling to rest against his ribs.

"Kate – " he breathed her name on a whisper, his arms coming to wrap around her, rubbing her back, trying to soothe her.

"I missed you so much, Rick," she told him, mumbled into his shirt. "Everyday, I woke up and reached for you and you weren't there and oh God, Rick, I just – "

She pulled back from him and stood, simply looked at him, just for a moment. She then lifted her hands and brought them up to his face, ran them through his hair quickly, watched as his eyes closed.

"I love you, Rick Castle," she said, trailing her hands down his neck, across his chest, coming to rest at his hips. "I love you so much, missed you more then you could know."

"I missed you desperately," he replied, blinking away his own tears, choking on his words as he mimicked her actions and followed every line of her face with his fingers. "And I love you, Kate. More then you could even imagine. I thought of you and kept going," he let out a small sob then, a shiver ran up his spine. "Oh Kate, I missed you, my heart aches."

"Now you're just repeating yourself," she told him with a smile, mocking his earlier words.

He chuckled lightly, leaning down to rest his forehead against hers.

"Don't get smart with me," he replied, mirroring her smile.

They stood like that for a few moments, just taking each other in, memorizing the feeling of having the other back, in the flesh, here to stay. There was nowhere in the world either could have imagined being at that exact moment then right where they were.

"Tomorrow, we'll sort through everything, I promise," he told her sincerely.

"Okay, okay. I believe you. Until then, kiss me, Castle."

He didn't have to be told twice. In a heartbeat, he pressed his lips against his wife's and it felt like nothing had ever gone wrong, like he'd never missed a day. As his lips mingled with hers, he moved his hands into her hair and removed the clip holding it in place, letting it fall to the floor as he ran his hands through her hair. It was a desperate kiss that told them everything they'd already voiced to each other.

She was the first to break away, pull back slightly, still close enough to share the same air.

"Let's go to bed, Rick."

"You mean, you don't want me on the couch? I'm not in the doghouse?"

She shot him a smile and shook her head, lacing her fingers into his.

He didn't let himself really breathe until she was tucked against him in their bed for the first time in years. And as his arms wrapped a little tighter around her and he could hear her breathing even out, Castle was able to finally let the feeling settle inside him that, come tomorrow, everything might just be okay.

* * *

**Let me know what you think! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: First, a big thank you to everyone who reviews, alerts, favorites, ect. You're all wonderful people. I hope you're buckled up and ready to go!

Second, I know, I really stink with updates. I warned you! But even on bedrest, I take weeks to get this up. Next chapter is already in the works though so, hopefully it'll be up during the weekend.

Last but not least: usual disclaimers apply, this is un-beta'ed so all poor grammar, spelling, ect. is my fault (because no matter how many times I read it over, there's always _something_ I miss) and I think that covers all my bases, right? Okay, well, enjoy!

* * *

Castle wakes with a start, finding two small, cold hands palming his face.

"You had more hair yesterday," Grace tells him in her most serious, no nonsense tone.

"You also had less gray hair _before_ you were dead," Henry says from behind him on the other side of the bed, and Castle turns to meet the voice, coming face to face with both his sons.

"So when you go to heaven," Grace says, as she climbs up onto the bed, over Castle's legs, settling herself in front of her father. "You get hairy _and_ gray?"

Before Castle could even answer any of the questions posed to him, Kate comes into the bedroom, hands on her hips.

"I went to the bathroom and I believe I said, 'wait for me on the couch,' and I come back and all my children are gone and not on the couch."

"We came to see daddy," James tells her, standing on the bed, throwing his arms in the air.

"I see that, but daddy's tired, so how about you let him get some more rest and I get you three to school?" Kate says, watching as her kids obediently got off the bed, one by one after saying goodbye to Castle.

They were almost out of the room when Henry comes running back into the room, wrapping his arms around his father, mumbling a quick, "love you, daddy," before scrambling off and out to the living room.

Kate sighs, pushing herself off the doorframe, walking over to her husband.

"I'm sorry, I told them to let you sleep," she tells him on a huff.

"It's fine, really," he responds, tugging her hand so she would sit on the side of the bed.

"I've got to take them to school and then when I get back, we're going to head to the precinct, okay?"

"Sure, sounds good."

"That means you've got forty five minutes to get a shower and be ready to go," she tells him, watching a smile play on his face.

"And then, do you want me waiting on the couch?"

"Only if you pay more attention to me then your kids do."

"Why are they only my kids when they misbehave?"

"Because they got that troublemaking side from you," Kate tells him, smiling. "Alexis and your mother even say so."

He visibly paused, looking suddenly drained.

"Don't worry," she says, squeezing his hand. "They'll be at the precinct later today. Everything will work out, I promise."

She leans over, placing a quick kiss on his lips before pulling away, standing up, starting towards to doorway.

"Forty five minutes, okay?" she smiles at him. "Love you."

"Love you, too."

* * *

What was it about today? She couldn't quite figure it out. Weren't Fridays supposed to be awesome? People excited for the weekend, not feeling stressed out and all over the place. That's how it should be, and she can't quite figure out what's been off since she woke up this morning.

Pushing her sunglasses up onto her head – asking why the sun was shining so damn bright in the middle of November _anyway_ – Alexis pushes her hair out of her face, balancing her coffee, as she hunches over to look in her purse for her keys while walking down the hallway. She huffs, multitasking while she worried about running late because this morning was just an absolute wreck and well, at least it wasn't snowing. She'd be falling all over Manhattan in her high-heeled shoes.

Alexis sighs, fumbling through her large bag looking for her lanyard for her damn keys – where _are _they? – for over a minute, all the while wondering why she needs such a large satchel anyway, making a mental note to downsize later. But on her list of priorities, that was way down at the bottom.

She use to love the month of November; it was when people really got in the Christmas spirit, even though decorations were going up in early October these days. It was cold enough to bundle up in cute jackets and pretty scarves and the sharp chill in the air in her apartment gave her the perfect excuse to cuddle up to her fiancée after dinner.

Now, it was just hectic. A good hectic, lots to do, lots to keep her mind on, but it wasn't all happy times. Kate's birthday started the festivities, then it was her baby sister's birthday and following right after that was Thanksgiving. And finally, in the week following Thanksgiving was the anniversary of her dad's death.

She swallows the lump that has formed in her throat as she reaches the door to the loft where she used to live. Her dad had loved this place and everyone knew it, even Kate. A year ago, she'd been offered a job somewhere up in Westchester with a town police department and while she'd been adamant about not leaving the city, she'd been even more so about not selling the loft, no matter what. So, Kate had stayed and Alexis had blown a sigh of relief.

In the years since her father and Kate had gotten together, the two women had bonded. They'd hit a rough patch when the boys were born but they'd maneuvered around it quickly and when Grace was born, she really lit up everyone's world. Everyone had said it and Alexis would be damned if that child didn't know it, too.

Alexis finally finds her keys and when she locates the one that unlocks the loft, she does so quickly and pushes the door open with a well-practiced shoulder shove.

"Kate, are you home yet?" she yells, shutting the door and toeing off her shoes by the closet. "I just have to grab some photos for the save the date cards. Kate?"

She continues calling out while she hops to the kitchen, nearly tripping over the cuff of her pants, placing her purse and keys on the countertop of the island. Coffee still in her hand, she takes a sip as she turns on her heel, on a mission to find her stepmother through the maze of the loft.

"Kate, you should have totally beaten me here because – "

Alexis chokes on her coffee as she catches sight of him out of the corner of her eye and the cardboard cup hits the ground when she takes in his full form, blinking rapidly to rid her eyes of the illusion.

"Dad?" she asks quietly, her voice raspy from the coughing.

"Save the date cards?" he responds, feigning outrage, hands thrown out by his sides. "Like, for a wedding?"

"Dad," she says again, not sure if it's a question again or a snarky reply, falling right back into step with her father, who is –

No way. This was _not_ happening.

Her bad day had suddenly gone from bad to worse. She had spilled her coffee – a specially made, out of season, pumpkin spice latte and now, she was hallucinating and her father was giving her attitude about her engagement and upcoming wedding. She did _not_need this today.

She briefly entertains the idea that the cute barista who had a thing for her had slipped something into her coffee and this was the effect, because honestly, there was no way this was real. She was still in bed dreaming or drugged or dying.

Mm, maybe she was really dying. That would kind of suck.

"Alexis?"

She snaps out of her thoughts when he calls her name, looks up at him with glassy eyes. She wasn't dying, she wasn't drugged and this was real?

"Dad?" she repeats, wondering if she was capable of saying anything else at the moment.

"Hey, pumpkin," he says, trying to sound as normal as possible. "How are you?"

"How am I? What even?" Alexis looks around quickly, hands in the air. When she turns towards the door, she caught sight of Kate who was walking in quickly; she watched as the older woman turned a shade of white when she spots the two.

"Oh God, Alexis, I thought I'd get here first – "

"So did I," she replies. "What's going on, Kate?"

"This is why I asked you and Martha to meet me at the precinct this morning, but when I got your text this morning that you were stopping by the loft.." she trails off, looking for the right words. "I couldn't just tell you over text message."

"Tell me what, exactly?" Alexis crosses her arms over her chest, expectantly. "Is this some kind of sick joke?"

"No, honey, it's not," Castle says, intervening, walking around the side of the sofa, coming closer to her.

"You faked death, dad?" She accuses venomously, not believing the words as they leave her mouth. "You can't just do that, you know. There was a funeral and we put you in the ground, oh my God, are you kidding right now?"

"Alexis, maybe you should sit down – "

"No, Kate, I'm just going to go upstairs and find some photos and I guess, maybe I'll just see you later, okay?"

She turns to walk away, stepping over the spilled coffee and hurries up the stairs.

"Alexis," she tries to call after her stepdaughter, but it's no use. The girl has hit the landing and tuned out everything downstairs.

He stands there, watching as Kate takes off her gloves and goes for the paper towels in the kitchen.

"Should I go talk to her?"

"That is probably the last thing you should do, Castle," she tells him, getting onto her knees and cleaning up the spilled coffee. "Why didn't you just stay in the bedroom when you heard her come in?"

"I was waiting for you on the couch, like I said I would."

She sighs deeply, and then continues cleaning the floor.

"This is exactly what I didn't want to happen. I tried to stop her from coming here before the precinct, but you know how she is."

"You mean, other then engaged?"

He watches as she stops moving, looks up at him.

"You should have told me, Kate."

"There's a lot that you need to be filled in on, Rick. I wasn't going to bombard you with it in the last twelve hours, though."

"But don't you think that should have been high on the list of things I should know to go into this big meeting, reunion, whatever it is we're walking into today? These are things I should know."

"And there are things _I_ should know, too, but you keep stalling," she tells him, finishing with the floor, throwing the paper towels in the trash.

She comes to stand in front of him, holding their eye contact. He remembers, for a moment, that this is why he fell in love with her in the first place.

_You don't let go, you don't back down. That's what makes you extraordinary._

"You wanted to put it on the back burner until tomorrow," she continues on, not going on his momentary trip down memory lane. She's determined to get to the bottom of this. "Well, Rick, it's tomorrow, so spit it out. Where the _hell_ have you been?"

"Not now, Kate. When we get to the – "

"Rick, give me a name."

He catches her eyes then and finds a look there that he hadn't seen in years. The relentless determination in her eyes, a piece of her that he hasn't seen in so long. Not since before she put her mother's case to rest.

That look terrifies him.

"Listen, we'll go down to the precinct and we'll talk everything out with Ryan. We'll settle everything there. We don't have to get into it now."

"Rick, stop stalling."

"They've got him there, okay? We've turned him over, they've got him in holding."

He watches as she pinches the bridge of her nose with her thumb and pointer finger, trying to drain the stress from her body.

"Fine," he says, throwing his arms up in surrender. "You want a name? You've got it."

He keeps his eyes on her, watches as she visibly tenses in front of him and for a split second, he thinks she really _doesn't_ want to know, but it's her instincts that are screaming at her to find out. Those detective senses that tell her to get it out of him, solve the mystery, especially when it hits this close to home.

"Tyson," he tells her, watches the recognition flare in her eyes. "Jerry Tyson."

Kate feels the tears prick at her eyes, wondering why she didn't put it together when he said what he did last night.

_He kept me alive to punish me._

"Castle – " is all she can get out before the severity of the entire situation overwhelms her, because he was at the hands of a killer. The Triple Killer, 3XK, a known, masterful serial killer who let them get the upper hand, get away, put him in custody. And then, the case that she had last year, the one where she –

"No, Rick, oh God, we have to _go_," she nearly yells, grabs for his hand, squeezes too tightly.

"Kate?" he asks, tugging on her arm, confused, stopping her so that he can get the story.

Always after the story.

"What's going on, Kate?"

"Tyson," she whispers. "There's no way."

"I think I would know who's been keeping me hostage for the last two years," he tried to joke with her, but the color still hasn't returned to her face yet. She's not laughing, she's not even near cracking a smile. He's so confused.

"No, you don't understand," she says, trying to pull him towards the closet to get his jacket.

"Kate," he says, noting the amount of time he's said her name this morning. He's missed the feel of it on his lips.

"Stop, okay? Explain it to me. Tell me what's got you so crazy."

She turns to him then, still eerily pale with dark shadows clouding her eyes. He can't imagine what's rattling her so deeply.

"It can't be Tyson," she says, shakily. "I put him in prison last year."

* * *

**Let me know whatcha thinkin'! :) That would be fabulous. **


	4. Chapter 4

_In the three days between when she'd taken the home pregnancy test and the day when they'd go to the doctor to get a heartbeat, a sonogram and find out how far along she was, Kate was convinced that she was having twins, if for no reason but that she just felt like that._

_Castle was not so easily sold._

"_But how do you know?" he asks, exaggerated hand movements adding more drama to his tone, "do you get sicker with two?"_

"_Castle, no, I just – "_

"_You have a feeling, female intuition and all. I get it," he says, pulling her close to him by her forearms, "but we just found out we were pregnant. Could you just wait until the doctor confirms it before you start giving me heart palpitations and gray hair?"_

"_Okay, but I'm telling you – there are two babies in here," she tells him, presses her hand up against her still flat tummy._

_When they'd left the doctor's office, having confirmed two heartbeats, set up another appointment and gotten some prenatal vitamins, Kate shot him sideways glances the whole way home, making sure he didn't pass out before they got back to the loft._

* * *

Kate smiles despite herself at the memory, because that really was one of the best moments of their married life. But the memory makes her aware of something else.

She often marvels at her instinct, that innate feeling that she gets deep down in her gut whenever she's right about something or whenever the smallest thing is amiss. Her kids always call her 'wonder mom,' (the companion of the wonder pooch, of course) because she always finds out everything, knows everything, and they are dumbfounded when she just, well, _knows_.

But unlike the happy memory she finds herself lost in, she can't help but think about the day that Castle didn't come home from his meeting at Black Pawn. She'd been so caught up in the kids and had just figured he'd gone out for drinks with Paula or Gina –

Then, Jenny had called, asked if she'd heard from Kevin because he wasn't answering his phone and Esposito had left him at the precinct _hours _ago.

The fleeting, falling feeling that had taken over her was immediate and breathtaking. She'd dropped the phone and leaped into action and everything after that had just been a big blur.

Because it was then, she'd realized, that her husband was missing.

She has to shake that same feeling out of her system as she pulls into a parking space a block from the precinct, because it's overwhelming and she just knows something is wrong but there is just no way she'll let herself believe that.

Not when her husband is sitting next to her, alive, breathing and that's all she needs right now.

She kills the engine and turns to look at him. He's ghostly pale and she's not sure if it's from lack of sunlight or extreme nerves.

"Ready?"

"As I'll ever be," he replies quietly, turns and opens the door without even looking at her.

She really has to work hard to convince herself not to take it personally.

* * *

_The call came at some ungodly, early morning hour._

_Captain Victoria Gates had answered the phone with a groggy voice only to be met with the unusually worried tone of the Chief of Detectives._

"_Captain Gates, we need you down at the precinct immediately."_

"_Yes sir. May I ask what this is regarding?"_

"_Detective Kevin Ryan and Richard Castle," he said, a simple statement._

"_Yes sir," she repeated dutifully, "what about them?"_

"_They're alive."_

_She'd never scrambled out of bed so quickly before._

* * *

Gates had walked into the bullpen, steely demeanor and power heels showing off her no-nonsense attitude, when she'd noticed the Chief of Detectives standing in her office doorway. She unlocked her office and allowed him in, shutting the door behind her.

"They're both home right now, with their families," he said without preamble.

"What, exactly, is going on?"

"That seems to be the million dollar question, Captain Gates."

* * *

Kate felt her head spinning, feeling dizzy, as she rode the elevator to the homicide division of the Twelfth Precinct. She couldn't wrap her head around everything. Life had thrown her the biggest curve ball ever and she wasn't quite sure how to deal with it.

This time yesterday, her husband and one of her partners was dead, or well, considered so. Today, she stood in the elevator with said husband, their fingers laced together. They were on their way for a large meeting with said partner and several other people, expected to trickle into the precinct slowly over the course of the day.

Castle could sense the tension Kate held in and gave her hand a light squeeze as the elevator let out a small '_ding_' and the doors opened, his previous demeanor in the car long gone.

"It's going to be fine, Kate," he whispers, watching as she took a deep breath in.

"Wasn't I just telling _you_ that?" she responds, taking a step out of the elevator with him, gripping his fingers like they were her lifeline.

As they rounded the corner to where she could see straight through the bullpen, her heart leapt into her throat and a bright smile appeared on her face when she took in a sight she never thought she'd see again: Ryan and Esposito sitting at their desks, smiling and laughing and _together_.

They quicken their pace when they realize that they've been spotted. Ryan visibly steps away from Jenny and starts walking to them, Esposito trailing close behind him. They pair off when they meet – Beckett to Ryan, Castle to Esposito.

There's smiles and questions and tears and –

The single split second where Kate allows herself to believe that the world hasn't totally spun off its axis.

* * *

Captain Gates stands in her office, looking through the glass at the men and women gathered before her on the other side. There was a time that she ran this precinct with a strict tone and so many rules but so much had changed when the members of her team started falling in love, getting married, having babies.

'Iron Gates' found herself softening up to babies in the precinct and some small public displays of affection and even she couldn't hold back the smile when she was invited to weddings, baby showers, family gatherings; the family events that made her feel like a part of their little neat, woven family.

She had been at Kate's birthday dinner the night before called a memory to the forefront of her mind. She'd caught her favorite detective staring at her own wedding ring, the smile she'd worn all night replaced with a somber, straight line as her lips pursed together.

_Who knew?_ Gates thought to herself, readying to leave her office when her desk telephone rang.

Reaching over her desk, she grabs the headset and wedges it between her shoulder and her ear, trying to keep her balance as she listens to the frantic voice on the other end. A beat cop, she recognizes, who must be working security. The only reason he'd be calling her on the homicide floor.

"The Tyson look-alike? Kidnapping suspect?" he nearly yells, coughs, continues on, "yeah, he's gone, broke out. We're trying to get a trail but no luck."

Gates gasps aloud, not sure what to think, not sure how to even comprehend what's happened in the last twenty-four hours, let alone in the last fifteen seconds.

What that _hell_?

She has one command for the beat cop.

"Find him," she nearly yells, "find him now."

* * *

Kate's laughing, really laughing, with Kevin Ryan and her husband and she could cry with how wonderful that feels. Said husband is at her side and Lanie is here and holding hands with Esposito and Jenny and Kevin are glowing and –

Then, she looks up.

Gates has exited her office, grim look in her eyes, fear etched in her features and that's -

Well, that's absolutely startling.

Because really, when has Gates been afraid of anything?

No one's laughing anymore.

"He's gone," is all she says, all she can muster.

It's in that moment that Kate's sure now that the world _has _in fact spun off its axis and there's not a damned thing she can do about it.

* * *

**Thoughts on this? :)**

A/N: Saved my little note for the bottom. Hope you enjoyed it! This chapter is all over the place and I kinda liked it that way, but it won't be like this all the time. I know I keep throwing all these things at you but stick with me, we're getting there!

Next chapter is halfway done so expect it tomorrow or the next day. Pinky promise this time! Leave me some feedback so I know what you think! Thanks lovlies!

Finallllllly! Still un-beta'd and the usual disclaimers still apply. :)


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Promised another update and here it is! I'm trying to get these out quick so I have a dent made before classes start up again. I appreciate the feedback on this story, love to know what you're thinking!

Usual disclaimers apply, not beta-ed (?). Anyway, enjoy!

* * *

Alexis is standing at the stove in the loft's kitchen, stirring a pot of spaghetti to give to her brothers and sister for dinner. The boys hung out in the living room, playing some kind of rough and tumble game that only they would understand and Grace was sitting on the island with Alexis' fiancée showing him photos in a photo album.

Taking a sip of her wine, Alexis sighs loudly and pushes her hair out of her face. She's so tired; today had just been draining and she hadn't even done anything. After finding her dead father in the living room of the loft earlier that morning, she'd taken the first half of her day off to go home and let her thoughts toss around in her mind.

Kate had called her around noon and asked her if she could pick up Grace and then the boys later, wanted her to take them for the day until she could get home because everything was just crazy. Alexis could relate and was happy for the distraction so she spent the other half of the day with her siblings.

Her fiancée, Michael, had joined her at the loft a little while ago, first playing with her boys for a bit to try and tire them out and then took his current place with Grace, going over old family photos of the Castle clan. After returning to the loft with her siblings, she hauled all the family photos and albums from their various spots in the home to the kitchen island and had been looking at them all day.

She's visibly nervous, she knows this, especially since every time she turns around, Michael shoots her a look to check in, make sure she's all right. But she's not and it's obvious. Alexis knows that, any minute now, her father's going to come walking through the front door and she's going to be less then thrilled if he acts like this is no big deal again. She'd called Kate to find out how many for dinner – aside from those already present at the loft – and Kate had responded with three more: herself, Martha and Rick.

It wasn't that Alexis wasn't thrilled as ever to have her father back. It was the casual demeanor he seemed to have this morning, like it was a totally normal thing to be arguing over her engagement with her dead dad. If Kate hadn't showed up, she's not sure what she would have done.

She's telling Michael to set the table with Grace, calling to the boys for them to go upstairs and wash up for dinner, straining the spaghetti and putting it into a serving bowl when she hears the unlocking of the front door and voices carrying through the loft.

"The doctor said he's in fine condition otherwise, Martha," Kate says, entering first with her mother-in-law following, wedged between herself and Rick.

"Low vitamin D is nothing to joke about darling," Martha's waving her hands in the air before starting to shed her jacket.

"Two years without exposure to the sun will do that to a person, Mother," he says definitively, coming in last and closing the door behind him, making sure to fasten all the locks.

"Gram's here," Gracie yells suddenly, her bare feet padding across the floor in a hurry. "Hi Gram," she says when the older woman hoists her in the air.

"Hello darling. Where are your brothers?"

"They're upstairs, washin' up," she answers, dutifully. "Lex made 'ghetti."

"Spaghetti, Grace," Kate models for her from the dining room table, giving Michael a kiss on the cheek. "You've got to get that right."

"Right mommy," Gracie says as Martha puts her back on the ground. "S'ghetti."

"Getting there," Kate mumbles quietly, finding Alexis back in the kitchen at the stove. "Lex, honey? Are you okay?"

"He's just standing in the doorway, Kate," she tells her step-mom without looking up from the saucepan. "Just like – ugh, I don't even know. What happened at the twelfth?"

"That's a really complicated question and after we eat and I get the little ones to bed, all us big kids are going to stay up and deal with the adult stuff, okay?"

"Okay, sure."

"Alexis," Kate says softly, placing a hand on the redhead's shoulder. "Just because he's been gone doesn't mean he'd not your father anymore. He loves you just as much as he did _then_, okay?"

"We'll talk about it later, yeah?"

"Just think," Kate sta`rts, taking the bowl Alexis has just dished the marinara sauce into, making one last attempt to relieve the tension between Alexis and her father. "Now you can introduce him to your fiancée and let your father grill him in his own, creative way."

Alexis can hardly hold back a laugh.

"Oh, this oughta be good."

Meanwhile, as Martha greets her grandsons, telling them hello right before she tells them to stop running down the stairs, she turns around to find her son standing in the doorway, coat and scarf still on, not making a move to, well, _move._

"Kiddo," she says, earning a smile from him. "Take your coat off, stay awhile. Nobody's going to bite, it's fine."

Castle doesn't feel completely assured.

* * *

After dinner, everyone had gathered in the living room with some wine and photos. Castle had his three youngest on the floor after James and Henry brought over some of the more recent photo albums from the last two years. They were filling Castle in on what he'd missed and as Kate watched from the sofa, she couldn't stop the heart swelling feeling in her chest.

Her husband had sat Indian style with Gracie in the crux of his legs, a twin on either side of him. Kate had shared the sofa with Alexis and Michael and Martha sat against the sofa, facing the group on the floor.

Kate had allowed the kids to stay up much longer then they normally would so that they could spend some time with their father but when Grace completely nodded off in her father's lap and James had started to doze himself, she rose from the couch and declared bedtime.

She walked over to Rick, bending over to grab Grace from his lap, asked him to take James, nodded for Henry to follow them upstairs. Henry had said goodnight to his Gram and the rest of the company before doing what he was told and following. Kate threw a "we'll be right back" over he shoulder.

Castle put the boys to bed, Kate tucking in Grace and they met in the hallway, each shutting their respective doors. Kate didn't realize he had tears in his eyes until she took a step towards him.

"Rick?" she asked cautiously. "What is it?"

"They got so big," he mumbled on an aspirated sigh. "I missed so much. And Alexis is engaged and I missed it."

"Oh, but you can't beat yo – "

"Yes, I can. Because this is my fault. Tyson came after me the first time and if I was smarter, I would have figured out that he'd come again."

"You can't play the 'what if' game with yourself, Castle."

"I can, Kate," he tells her again. "I'm allowed to do that if I want."

She sighs, lets it go.

"Can we just go downstairs, talk to your family, fill them in? They need to know about the surveillance, too."

"Yeah, okay," he says, linking his fingers with hers, drawing from her strength. "Let's go."

* * *

Castle starts from the beginning: how he'd been taken from the parking garage of the building where his meeting was. He recounted that he'd been blindfolded, gagged, limbs bonded and he was mercilessly thrown in the back of some van. It wasn't long before he was joined by Ryan.

When they figured out who the other was, their first thought was if whoever was behind their apparent abduction would take any of their loved ones, harm those same people.

When said person didn't, it wasn't long before Ryan and Castle figured out who was behind it.

Jerry Tyson had revealed himself to his victims very quickly and made it clear that they weren't going anywhere anytime soon. Castle recounted that they were in some kind of a basement, with some small, rectangle window up by the ceiling. They ran seasons by the weather, ran time by the sun.

Castle talked about time spent there, how he and Ryan tried to keep their strength up by working out and really, Tyson wasn't starving them, either. They were just being kept in a basement. Castle talked about how it just seemed like a senseless kidnapping. Not well thought through and certainly not well executed.

He told them about the day he and Ryan finally got the upper hand, finally got out. There had been a day, about a month ago, when Tyson had accidently dropped his pocket knife after he'd threatened Castle and Ryan with it – he had seemed disoriented, drunk and when he tried to slip it into his pocket, it fell to the floor without Tyson noticing. The second the door was closed, Ryan had jumped for it.

They hid it and waited for the right moment.

There had been another day, early morning they had thought from where the sun was in the sky, when Tyson had come in and both men pretended to sleep. Tyson always went to Ryan first, then to Castle so he'd been to take the knife and go at Tyson.

The plan had been to go for something vital: the head, the neck, the chest. But neither was sure which happened first, if Tyson had moved or Castle had slipped, but the offending object had managed to strike Tyson's thigh, and as Castle fell, the blade went down Tyson's leg muscle, too.

Suddenly, they'd needed a plan B because if plan A had gone right, Tyson would be dead by now. They couldn't have come up with a Plan B regardless; there were too many variables. Castle got the upper hand on Tyson and after some small struggle, had him pinned on the floor while Ryan made a mad dash, finding a phone and calling emergency services immediately. They'd waited until they'd been tracked because Lord only knew where they were.

When Kate found out that they had been found only a bit north in Westchester County, just ten minutes from where she got offered that job, she'd nearly thrown up. She'd been letting that guilt gnaw at her all day.

Castle finished up his story for his mother, daughter and her fiancée quickly with how he'd both been taken into custody and gotten out in the same eighteen hour time period. And how, after all that, they weren't even sure who this guy actually was because well, the _real_ Tyson had gone to prison last year, at Kate's hand.

They recounted how, in the original case, there had been (aside from a completely different M.O.) plastic surgery and changed faces, so that's what they were trying to determine now. Prints had been pulled from the house and basement that they were all in, so they'd been keeping their fingers crossed that those results would come back soon.

He finishes the story with a quick run down of their new surveillance team – police watching them all, at all times. He tells them that aside from the people in the loft, Jenny and Ryan also have people watching them.

"There are eyes on the precinct and the morgue, for Lanie, just in case," he says on an aspirated breath.

"Lex, we've got one on your work, too," Kate nods to the couple on the sofa. "Yours too, Michael. We're taking all precautions until we get this guy. "

Alexis takes a deep breath in and is the first to move after all that had been thrown at them, reaching for her wine glass and drinking it down quickly.

"Well, I think we should be going, right honey?" she says, looking at Michael as she rises from the couch.

Unsure of how to react to the situation, the man just nods sheepishly, following his fiancée to the door.

"Alexis, can I just talk to you for a second in the kitchen?" Castle asks her and as he walks in that general direction, Kate catches Alexis' eyes, pleading with her to go talk to her father.

The loud clanking of Alexis' heels echo through the loft as she walked with her shoes on now, attitude and resistance following in her wake.

"I know you're angry," he starts slowly.

"You're damn right I'm angry," she spits back, watching as he rocks back on his heels, obviously shocked by her outburst. "I think I have a right to be, dad."

"Of course you do and I respect that – "

"Then you'll also have to respect the fact that I just cannot deal with this right now," she says, turning around completely, grabbing her purse from behind the sofa, giving one last wave to Martha and Kate before following her fiancée out the door.

When they're gone, his mother and wife go to him in the kitchen, eyeing him with concern.

"That didn't go like I'd planned," he says, running a hand through his hair in frustration.

"Oh, darling, you can't plan for things like this, never mind try to gauge someone's reaction to it. This situation – it's a lot to take in, for everyone. Alexis has always had mixed feelings about your nonchalant way of handling cases. When you and Kate started working together, she was less then thrilled, Richard; you both know that," Martha takes a breather, feeling out her words.

"You were never scared and _that_ terrified her. You thought your life was one of your books but it wasn't, darling, it's not. It can't be rewritten. When you died, Richard, it wrecked all of us. And thank God for Kate, because she really held it together for everyone until – "

"Martha, please," Kate whispered from her spot against the countertop, looking at the floor, shoulders slumped.

"Richard, the point is, you can't give any of use back the last two years. She mourned you, accepted that you were gone so you need to just let her be, give her space."

He's speechless, holds his mother tight to him as she hugs him goodnight, watches in stillness as she places a kiss to Kate's forehead. There's silence until Martha's gone and then, there's just the two of them, in the kitchen, just like the night before.

She simply cannot wrap her mind around the fact that it's only been twenty-four hours.

"Kate," he starts, watches as she shakes her head, pinches at the bridge of her nose.

"I can't do anymore talking tonight, Rick," she says, pushing off the counter with her hands, feeling the fatigue of the day rattling through her body.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

She stands, stunned. He just completely took what she said the wrong way.

"It just means that I'm tired and I'm going to go to bed. Check on the kids first, then turn in."

"Don't you think we should talk about what just happened?"

"No, I think everything's okay – considering."

"You think that this went okay? My oldest daughter is mad as hell and my mother just basically told me that I wrecked everyone's lives so excuse me if I want to bounce my thoughts off someone."

"Rick, I think," she stops, meets his eyes, chooses her words carefully. "It's been a tortuously long day. Tomorrow, I have off, the kids will probably want to sleep in. We'll get up early and have some coffee – "

"What was my mother talking about?"

"I'm sorry? Rick, it's really too late for this," she brings her hand up to her forehead. She's tired, she's confused and while she's so elated she's here, it's just so much to deal with.

"She said you were holding it together until something, then you stopped her."

She's got a good poker face, he knows it well enough to know she's got it on now.

"You were assumed to be dead, Rick. That's a lot for anyone to break under pressure eventually. All of a sudden, I was a single mom with three kids, a dangerous job – the same job that caused my husband to die, if you think back and connect the dots."

"Kate – "

"You were dead and it might as well have been by my hand."

"No, you cannot blame yourself for what happened."

"You blamed yourself for months for my shooting at Montgomery's funeral and I lived. So take that and magnify that. It was a bullet to the chest all over again when I had to tell your children that you were never coming home," she's swiping at her cheeks, at tears she didn't even realize were there. "And then you did and I just don't know what to do with that."

There's silence and she wishes he would just say something.

"There's a rulebook for death: guidelines and protocol and steps to take for the funeral, burial; all that. No one ever tells you what to do on the marginal off chance that your loved one comes walking through the door like everything's fine."

"I never said everything was fine, Kate. You've the one who's walking around here, making breakfast and taking the kids to school and being with me like it's normal."

"I won't let their lives be disrupted anymore," she says, waving to the ceiling, the second floor where their kids are sleeping. "Then they already have been."

"So this is all an act? As soon as the kids get use to this, we'll work us out?"

"That's not what I meant at all, I just – "

"No, I understand," he sighs quickly, continues. "I think I'll sleep on the couch tonight."

"Rick, absolutely not. Don't be silly," she's pleading with his uselessly, he's already on a mission to the bedroom to retrieve his pillows and a blanket, no doubt.

She couldn't help but thing they would always be playing the blame game.

* * *

Kate can't sleep and it doesn't take her long to figure out why, really. Besides their fight, which escalated quickly and out of control and she's really not even sure why or how that happened, she missed him. He could be holding her right now and they should be taking advantage of their time together; they've just missed so much.

Sighing deeply, Kate kicks the covers to the foot of the bed, grabs a single blanket from the bunch and pads out to the living room. She finds him lying on his back, sleeping but not soundly; he's twitching lightly and his breathing isn't as shallow as it should be. He's probably just fallen asleep. Now, at almost four in the morning.

She sits on the couch and curls herself into his chest, tucking her legs up and under herself. It's not blissfully comfortable, but it's doable. She picks up on the change in his breathing and feels his hand come up, rubbing soothing circles on her back. She calms instantly and her lips tug into a small smile. Regardless of everything, he's still her husband, still knows her better then anyone else.

"I'm sorry," she says softly. "I've missed you for so long. Sometimes just thinking about you being _here_ is overwhelming."

"I'm sorry, too," he responds. "Everything will be okay, Kate. I promise. We'll work it out. I'll make this up to you."

* * *

Drop a review please and let me know what you thought! Can I bribe with more cookies? :) I love to know what can be improved upon, so don't be afraid to hit me with your best shot!

Five chapters in and we're still in the same 24 hour time period, but we're moving along. This was a big (and mighty long) progression chapter. Thanks for sticking with me!


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